being in exco is hard work!

tonnes of planning, not to mention lots of admin work to do (at least for my directorship portfolio). i lost count of the number of emails i drafted carefully and sent during these few weeks alone.

not to mention sorting out mess known as CCA records. horrors of horrors. and clearing dust mites from the club room. lots of hard work behind the scenes.

at least, one of the perks of being a director is being to use the club room for personal studying purposes! cosy (after that massive clean up), and quite afew "freebies" to be taken home.

school is starting soon. as usual, my "free and easy" holiday was filled with CCA stuff, 1st 2 weeks in choir, next 2 wks in SAAT, last week to pack and get ready for the new term.

time does past by very quickly.

next up: cny cleaning and shopping! (:

merry christmas.

holidays are coming to an end. how sad. i am beginning to rush all the stuff that i need to do but havent had the time!

pending:

more meet-ups. i am in sg but my friends are everywhere.
my piano
reading up for the new term =x
more shopping
more sleeping
decision-making

actually, there are many things i wanna do, but i suppose my hols are too short, unfortunately. not enough time.

wanna learn:
cycling
blading
new languages

it amazes me how much i can be myself with close friends. old friends, but definitely not forgotten.

had various meet-ups with various people, the most recent being lunch with shan qing cy siu, and shopping with winnie! mango 50% sale. woosh. its been so long since i enjoyed the thrill of shopping for bargains. my wardrobe is in a desperate state that requires replenishment.

had a great great heart-felt chat! perfect therapy. perfect. i love having someone to try clothes with. and people i can talk to without restrictions.

nothing like good friends to make you feel at peace after catching up all those months.

(:

just had 2 weeks long of choir choir and more choir. glad that its over. it has been lots of hard work, but also, it was pretty good bonding esp during mealtimes.

performed at the istana on tues. was quite a waste of time, spending 7 hrs to perform for 5 mins. i did enjoy looking around at the very expensive and classy decor around the istana, and feel like a star taking photos with the president.

performed at the esplanade concourse sat-sun. xmas carolling to the public. was quite stressful, and tiring. not to mention the numerous rehearsals and having to perform 3 times daily (meaning 6 times in 2 days!). quite fun, but i was very very glad that it was over, and that i managed to drag yours truly with a camera overrr!

time to take a break from choir. great. my whole body's aching from head to toe.

next up:
xmas potluck
various birthday celebrations
christmas!
new year
more holiday enjoyment for the next 3 weeks! (:

sometimes i wonder:

what is the meaning of life.

had a rather late night movie with dy/dz. it was good. madagascar 2 is a very very funny movie (: got a lift in his car. wow. this is the 1st time a guy came to my hse to pick me up in a car. ( ts: hint hint :p )

i got most of the answers i need. perhaps, there are some questions that were never meant to be answered, and i'll just let them be. forget the past, embrace the future. the movie was appropriate, the answers were honest, and i feel much better.

we all move on.

1st day out after end of exams! (:

went to eat ben and jerry's with saat audit team. finally "redeemed" the voucher we won! hehe. and my 1st time eating there. icecream overpriced but well, voucher mah.

then went to explore somewhere new with yours truly, who always know of new places to explore. went to marina barrage! was quite cool. i especially like the view at the top, overlooking esplanade, singapore river, etc. also interesting were the photographs! hahahha. and the "postcard". very cool. take a photo, then get it emailed to you as a postcard with marina barrage view as the design. cool cool. there's black and white, and colour phototaking.

then tried something i havent eaten before for dinner. great food, and just the right portion.

very happy (:

the hardest module is officially over --> for now.

i literally pulled my hair out during the exam paper. hurhur.

1 down 3 more to go!

plans for the holidays! (:

piano, and more piano
housekeeping
regain my social life
play computer games
read books
more sleep
perhaps a short holiday!

good good. i look forward to some relaxation, especially since i havent had much rest since may (i cant believe its been 1/2 a year already) and life's been especially busy.

study week.

into hibernation mode until 2 weeks later.

im quite irritated with CAT.

it never creases to amaze me, the things that characterise business school students.

i had enough politics, enough behind-the-scenes bitching and backstabbing. i admit, at times i was the executor, the accomplice, the leader, swept by the forces. does that warrant me a victim of conformity and acceptance.


after all the dust has settled, i stand where i am, as the blur called life spins me around 180 degrees.


so much for good team dynamics, and synergy. at times i was overly knowledgable and highly expectant of group members who didnt deliver, at other times i was stunned by the complexity of it all.

above all, its the bluring line between what appears to be and what is.



is there no other alternative besides conformity in this world.

it is usually when writing reflective journals that really made me feel like, i havent had the time to really sit down and reconcile my emotions.

maybe that's why i was never a good "reflective journal" writer. quote: LTB

another one of my rare stay-at-home days. allowed me to clear a whee bit of my ever growing pile of pending work. so much for small favours.

im still sore over that long holiday i had to forgo.

there's only school term, and school vacation. no such thing as public holiday.

long holiday? oh yes. in theory, its sat, sun, and mon's a public holiday! sounds great isnt it?

so sat's makeup class for mon, complete with heels, formal wear (thankfully no makeup) laptop, notes, rushing to hand in stuff due, rushing to eat lunch in 10-15 mins, having meetings, literally, just rushing like mad. afterall, sat is a makeup day for monday, so this is actually "monday" isnt it?

sun's project rushing day (i havent done much of my part for that certain chunk that's due very soon), and hey, just when it seems that mon now becomes "sat", hey think again! since everyone is "free" with no lessons, lo and behold, back to campus for project meetings! scrambling to book project rooms, finding some corner to hide, etc.

long holiday? more like long week, extended "work" hours.

zzz

many late nights in school, tonnes of projects, its as tho im as busy as i was before i eased up on tuition. lol.

its at night, after the crowds have largely thinned out (well, except for project rooms which are still brightly lit), one can see the amount of trash left behind. dirty toilets (and i mean really dirty), overflowing bins (its as though there are not enough bins around that people have to throw food waste inside the toilet as well), dirty water coolers, etc etc.

i have always thought of campus as clean, new, and pleasant to be in. i especially like the concept of small project rooms for us to book and use. i frequent them, whenever i need to stay back in school, and i cannot have project meetings without booking a room.

however, the amount of trash just reflects afew things:
cleaners arent doing their job
students are inconsiderate
general public (eg: students who took our campus's public space as their makeshift "macs for self study) who are dirtying our campus
students are simply staying too long in school (pathetic isnt it)

or perhaps, its simply a combination of some of them. i do know that it is very clean in the morning after the cleaners started on their shift.

still, it is really getting too dirty.

--------------

im getting burnt out doing too much.

back from genting! (:

its a great trip, allowed me to forget about my stress for afew days and just focus on enjoying myself with the person i love.

i especially love the vertical drop! haha. its really exciting. also loved the bumper cars/boats, though was really tired out.

took loads of photos, with qt afew unglam ones too (courtesy of someone =p), processing, and coming up soon! (:

there goes my mid term break.
zzz

some lull free time here in the lib, since i have some time to kill before heading to my next destination. makes me realise that i hardly ever come to the sch lib, since now my timetable is arranged back-to-back.

especially now that project meetings are in full swing, i am again reminded how small campus is. and the sore lack of available rooms for booking. zzz. i mean, rooms have to be booked way in advance =x which again reminds me why i'll rather stay at home.

there's a lion mascot going ard sch tdy. was really interesting. supposedly promoting kindness within the sch compound. quite interesting. took a picture!

i dont want my mid term break to end.

it feels good to suddenly sit down and not needing to rush getting something done, even if its for a very short while.

mid term break is here! im gonna make it as much of a break as possible. heh. despite the projects and etc. there's a pile of laundry waiting for me alr but i suppose, i just need a break.

exams have been tough (maybe except fnce) but am very happy that its the end of individual excel assignments/exams. only project left!

and then there's the holiday trip nxt wk. great way to recharge for the wild and crazy term ahead.

lots of things to accomplish during this week! (:

next up, my exco position. shall see.

im trying to finish my last excel assignment using a suddenly very laggy comp, while the whole financial system is unravelling around wall street and the world.

its strange isnt it, that after the enron days of SPEs with funny exotic names that fooled the world, people dont learn that if something seems too good to be true, it usually is! now there's so much toxic around.

mid term break is coming.
programms lined up:
movie!
genting trip!
readings and lagging hw
projects (ha that's not exactly my 1st priority now)
cca (?)

(:

survived another CAT assignment. great. im almost dead

the only happy thing is that i will get a break frm tuition soon, and then there's the getaway trip with ts and friends to look forward to. yay. cant wait.

trip's booked. mid term break hurry come!

(:

sad life.

finally stepped into a cinema for the 1st time in many months, before i head back to my sad life, of more excel spreadsheets. horrors

wall-e is a very nice movie (tho lame at first) but, hey i was pretty excited going to a cinema, minus the bad mood of being sick *cough cough*, and of course, being able to drag someone all the way over!

im looking forward to my holiday. i need a break.

week 3 is over.

survived a catastrophic CAT (aka excel 2007) assignment, 2 quizzes, 1 presentation.

and somehow i managed to at least diligently do my hw and readings for almost all my mods (well, except corp rep )

time is flying, mid term break is coming!

more deadlines. ( and i thought the 1st half of the term is supposed to be more slack )

-------------

im thinking of investing in a laptop cover. so i dun have to lug my ugly laptop bag around (tho it is convenient putting my charger and laptop tgt, and i can dump it on the floor in the mrt), well, more fashionable than that laptop bag.

-----------

new developments at choir, new people. why am i not thoroughly excited. there's a possible russia trip. i hope we will go for it, then it will give me something really exciting to look forward to. (but right now, its just making sure my attendance is perfect during sch term).

-----------

next up: presentation, then proj submission, then mid term exams.

week 1 is over.

cca day is very tiring. my whole body's aching. zzz.

time to study.

school has started!

im enjoying the late mornings! (ok i have to start studying, but uhh )

next up: vivace. time to sing again! and to do up booths, etc etc. too bad i have class on friday, otherwise i would have more time to help out at booths.

great to be back studying, and a mid-week day-off is much appreciated. (:

getting increasingly tired these few weeks.

---------

had 3j class bbq! although not the entire class went, but hey there were quite afew ppl there. its great to meet up again. im glad i rushed down despite reaching like 4hrs late. food's good, talked quite abit. had a cool ride back in glen's car! keith kaka and i were like WOW! when the top of glen's car opened, and i was riding along the expressway with windswept hair.

one of the highlights of my very tiring work/internship life.

i cant wait to start school, to regain my life back and sleep in.

--------

counting down: last week of internship!

i cant wait to start school (:

ndp preview 02/08/2008



didnt intend to go at first, but was presented with tickets to the preview. lured by the prospect of fireworks display, i braved the crowds with my pesky sis, who was insistent that i go.



likes:



the fighter jets in the sky. watching live is really different from via tv! the deafening sound, the "smoke" formation right above their heads. the parachutes! right above my head.
the lights and water backdrop. its very befitting the location.
the smaller audience capacity. it allows people from both ends to be able to view the stage.
the fireworks! great.



dislikes:



the not-so-nice bag/funpack. and some props/etc are missing in my funpack! =x
the crowd

innovation?

lucky draw for ppl who use the plastic bags provided to bag their litter and throw it at designated "collection points" i daresay, the area is actually rather clean after the parade.

----------

its the 1st time i watched it live since p5. time flies.

i always feel good after talking to cy. seriously. ms cy, you shld be a psychologist, not a business woman :p

priorities.

after all that "prep talk" and of course, some chit chat here and there:

ive decided to put up with 2 more weeks of internship and packed schedule.

ive decided to be committed to my tuition students who are taking psle, until oct. and put aside any other inconsequential stuff.

ive decided that im placed down the bottom in choir hierarchy ( confirmed by josh ) thus i have no reason not to feel unhappy about it.

i decided to prioritise xetrox into part of my weekly schedule. because xetrox has been utmost tolerant of my sometime-ridiculously crazy schedule.

----------------

what's important and what's not.

blah blah. cy you better let me crash ur hse soon. muahaha. (:

after much hard work, and nervousness, i finally got my driving license!

happy ending. waiting for my license to come in 1 mth's time!

(:

when working, wkends fly by.

tried to squeeze in some social activities during wkend, and goodness i nearly died =x was so tiring, having to rush thru laundry, and other housekeeping, and being out whole day, everyday.

catched the night festival! ( ok i shld have sneaked ts into IS level 2, but anws, was darn crowded. but the show is very nice (:

sunday is shopping day! ok was purpose shopping, and i get to pick my bdae present. whee! (: a shiny PINK and white bag ( my wishlist fulfilled! ). and orange shoes for ts. great great.

other than irritating and pesky tuition kids, everything else ( minus the lack of sleep ) is great (:

im stressing out over the audit tho.

happy birthday.

now my age officially starts with a "2" no more teenager.

work was terrible as usual, was rushing work like shit, esp when me and jess realised that we were doing alot of double work! yikes. missed lunch. was feeling crummy. had meeting with HP, felt faint from the lack of food. things looked up after the meeting when sj treated us to some food. talking to sj gave me a new perspective.

--------------

had a dinner date, the 1st time in qt awhile. tried dessert at that new shop.
that one sentence blew my mind away.

i never knew you love me this much.

that's worth more than any present.

finally, im having abit more time at home, after all the madness, what with the sudden surge in workload, the audit, and finding time to celebrate my bdae without having to upset my schedule too much. grrr.

paused tuition with one boy, and now im home napping, and doing random stuff that i need to get done before monday blues hit me again.

ive got no national day holiday, due to the fact that it falls on a sat. sigh. and i was so looking forward to claiming a day off in lieu.

convoc's coming, esp the recording. the audit needs to be done by this wk, report out by nxt wk, my social life timetable is abit =x right now, and im dreading the possibility of OT due to the new proj im managing at work.

maybe, against my better judgement, i shld take leave. im really, exhausted. but then, if i take leave, i'll be greeted with more work due to the effect of compounding.

=x

---------------

wishlist for my birthday!

BAG (top on the list! (: )
hair dryer ( fulfilled! )
stationary + pencil box ( those pretty kind big enuff to put calculator but not too big )
jewellery box ( fulfilled! )
earrings ( kinda, got a new pair frm thailand )
file
clothes
shoes

(hmm, how am i gonna find so much money to buy everything)

week 6 of internship

things are starting to look slightly more interesting, busy and more productive.

----------

met qing and shan tdy for lunch! havent seen them for so long. they havent changed much, just, ahems, complexion. haha. (opps) talked to them for qt awhile. got my early bdae present! happy (:

----------

bdae in 1 week's time (:

ive became more forgetful?

always leaving things behind, forgetting to do the things i meant to get done.

---------------

if you were to choose between yourself and your loved ones, who would you choose?

i chose my loved ones. i wonder if im appreciated.

-----------

why do i always cry myself to sleep at the smallest things

because, they are significant.

------------

happy day, was doing piano hw during work, bcos i was efficient and finished my work. left early too, since a certain someone mentioned if i finish my work i could go. but i chose to stay until nearly off work. ha.

let's have a drink

such potent words spoken by a man you cant refuse.

my head's spinning.

(for those who think its scandalous, think again)

to be continued

----------

well anw, bosses called me and jess out for a drink. i think he's happy that we finished the work so efficiently. but but! that's so not my chill-out way!

i was blur like sotong and barely stayed for choir, went for arts camp meeting when it was just over. and blah blah.

happy day today!

have been so rushed and busy and tired due to internship that tires me out and everything else that demands my attention/time. tdy is a happy day! dinner with cy and winnie. and kbox. thurs night is ladies night! goodie.

the best present i can ever have is good company. (: ive not felt so happy for such a long time. and so well fed literally! and high on non-alcohol.

happy happy. chomp. chomp.

although i'll prob die tmr during work, it will be worth it. (:

started internship. haha. that chiong year 1 who's alr doing internship with the year 2s and 3s.

its been my 2nd week there, and i have to say that im pretty much settled down in office ( maybe not ).

been quite satisfied, although its not that finance job i wanted. ha, found myself thrust into another dept. more like marketing. lol. welfare's good. my own desk/newly installed desktop/cubicle/phone for local and overseas calls. pantry with hot and cold water, machine generating hot drinks, free vending machine for cold drinks, and fruits on some days.

nevermind that my desk is quite open, at least i have my desk with my name tag on it (:

and bosses are nice enough to treat me for lunch on my 1st day, at some expensive restaurant with great food. too bad my dining etiquette dosent consist of eating much-better-than-thai-express thai food properly. ha.

work-wise is ok, tho shant go into great detail. lots of learning, not really in terms of textbook stuff, but those ...

intangibles.

today is banana day. free bananas at the pantry! (:

poland 17-27 may.

it was a good trip, an eye-opener, and a good break from life in sg. imagine, no internet, no hp for 10 days ( since internet is ex there and so is roaming charges ).

a few interesting events:

17-18 may: spent travelling. plane from sg to paris ( abt 12-13 hrs ), then transit in paris before leaving for warsaw in another plane ( 2 hrs flight ), then coach to sopot ( abt 4hrs +++ bcos of jam ), the town where the choir festival is held. the most interesting part of travelling was the coach ride.

spent the time looking at the vast greenery around, and yes there was real forests! not the kind like bukit timah hill, but really real forest, with no street lamps and dusty roads. and farms. yes there were real cows grazing on the field! there was a lunch/toilet stop. it was so much colder there! cold and dry wind. we were all peering at the menu, which was entirely in polish. our ordering was very very funny, using hand signals, and finger pointing. drank coke out of some ancient-looking bottle that i only saw it before in the movies.

after that, was more greenery and farmlands, fields, cows, wild flowers, and blue skies. and then, comes the JAM. jams on single-lane roads are really...terrible. literally stuck. so the bus was stuck for hours and we were all bored, not to mention needing to go to the toilet ( at least for someone ). so that someone went to the fields to pee. and the rest of us took out cameras to take scandalous photos/videos. muahaha. the rest of us just got off the bus, and right in the middle of the road, we sang, with the cold wind blowing at us. we became a tourist attraction for the locals! very amusing. and a very unique experience.

finally, we reached the hostel. had dinner cooked by the host, and off to our rooms. i shared with jq. quite nice room, with an attached toilet ( only one set of keys tho so we had to enter and leave tgt ). the first thing i did was to wash the kettle! the inside was coated with rust ( yes the tap water is milky and rusty ) so after scrubbing for a long time, out comes a clean kettle to boil water. tapwater's so dirty i had to boil water for brushing teeth! =x and double boil for drinking.

not the comfy hotel life eh.

next up came the bath. i bathed after jq, and there was no more hot water left in the tank! so at 5 deg cel, i have to bathe in cold water. =x instead, i used the kettle, boil water, and since i didnt have a bucket, i had to boil half a kettle of water, mix cold water, then pour water out from the kettle over my head. try repeating this many times to bathe. =x

next was the "not so comfy" bed. ha. and terrible jet lag. time difference was 6 hrs so .. go figure.

19 may mon.

besides rehersals, was sightseeing at gdansk with a tour guide.

interesting things are the food! breakfast was so good that i loved it. the food is so fresh, esp the butter and jam and home-made bread. yummy. and the icecream at gdansk. the height of the icecream was so much longer than the cone! wahhhh. yum. at first i didnt wanna take icecream in the cold weather, but eventually, gave in to temptation. it was very very very good! the soups are also very good too.

20 may tues.

our first performance day. went to a school for cultural exchange, cum performances. what struck me was the immense hospitality of the people there. they served us with food ( very good food might i add ) and bring us around on a school tour, arrange for accomodation for us ( since it will be too late to get back to our hostel in the evening ) performed with the school children, at a church after mass for the public. i cant believe that many people there have never went to a concert because they cannot afford it, and this is the 1st time they are hearing music. standing ovation was pretty cool.

next comes garden party, with polish sausages! another yummy food. beer and volka at poland is good and cheap too, plus warm in this cold weather. i personally like the volka better. esp when i was freezing at the garden party. after that was partying with the polish people. ( i think the guys went wild with the young polish girls haha )

21 may wed

morning at the beach, by the baltic sea. sand was soft, sea water's cold, and lots of sand flies. the best part was the scenery. (too bad im not pro enough to capture good photos of the scenery)

after going back for rehersal, it was off to shopping at a mega mall ( not interesting, since i only shopped for unique snacks/biscuits/cookies )

22 may thurs

opening ceremony of the festival muntus cantat sopot. i think we were very cam whore haha. kept waving here and there. and the europeans are so curious about these black-haired asians that they kept taking photos of us. open air performance by the jetty. took many photos too.

23 may fri

competition in the folk category, plus concert at night, and some sightseeing at sopot.

24 may sat

competition in the sacred category, and a final performance/party/prize presentation at the forest opera.

the forest opera is interesting. it is really right in the middle of the forest! it took us 30 mins to get there by foot ( no bus/train ). imagine trekking in the forest in concert attire and heels. killer. but it feels really good to go to such a place, especially to perform there. of course its freezing cold, but well.

results turned out pretty good. then comes the party. food was fine, tho queue was horrendous because of the sheer number of choirs there. drank honey volka and its good! so good that i bought a bottle back home. got a tad bit high and went to dance. whee. was a good partying night. cabbed back from the forest.

25 may sun

peformance at a mass. then went to forest opera again for another party. the last night was spent at jen's room, which was the largest room among all of us ( it was like an old-fashioned penthouse suite with a fireplace ) and played games til late at night.

26 may mon

breakfast was a funny affair with zhimin kena-ing the forfeit from last night's games. shall not elaborate too much. ha.

after that was farewell to poland and off to the coach back to warsaw, then to paris, and then back to sg on tues. ( the flight was turbulent and terrible )

i will miss ....

being this close with this bunch of people, my roommate jq, my "food experimenting" partner jen, that ever-interesting guys, drunk zm, funky aa, tracy, my unofficial roommate cum room crasher (haha) the girls, the guys, the crazy stunts, the smu jumps in public, the funny polish words that we say in a non-polish way, the laid back life there, the lack of distractions, the warm hospitality of the polish people.

i finally found my performance high in poland.

i will not miss ...

the dry air ( even my earlobes cracked from the dry air! )
the drastic temperature change between day and night
the milky and rusty water
the lack of free toilets ( its 2 bucks for a toilet trip! or a 30 min queue for a free toilet at macs with only 1 cubicle )

its a great trip, and a great choir festival.
but still, im happy to be back at home.

(:

(photos later! ive been cam-whoring so much i didnt take much photos of my own haha )

choir concert tdy. was quite a day.

im glad that concert's over, tho it was a tad bit short. wine reception was pretty tho, with the right amount of fluff. i think that the price of the tickets was abit too high, but hey, its fundraising for poland, and im not that rich, so im not complaining.

after performing for afew choir concerts, im still searching for that "performance high" that i experienced with every band performance. all i felt was like, normal, maybe that bit of nervousness, but just, normal. unlike last time when i would keep checking and double checking all my band attire ( even my collar and hair ribbons ).

i hope poland will change all that. my bank acc is growing a big hole that i hope my internship pay will attempt to fill it later.

-----------

previously, i misplaced a pink pencil that i recently bought. ok i eventually found it afew weeks later at one of my student's house. now i misplaced a calculator after class with that same student! and i just changed new batteries for it. talk about deja vu. (my calculator better be there )

i like zhimin's pro active attitude towards choir.

and yes, i dislike certain policies, especially things like forcing tickets on us, and "threatening" us with less or no subsidy if we do not sell tickets. or that "why didnt you come for practice" face when choir is 4 times a week and not everyone is that free with no other commitments just because its summer.

stayed back to do the choir backdrop tdy. everyone was supposed to stay back, so i did, although i would rather go home for lunch. then people started having stuff on, like what mother's day lunch and all those not very impt stuff. lack of manpower, things go unfinished.

how efficient. when these are simple things, such as art and craft.

---------

3 weeks of holidays have passed.

ive never felt so tired.

octet during choir tdy. of course i'll be picked. the seniors wouldnt pick themselves right. and with jen and sylvia not around, nobody to shield me.

i felt like an animal on display.

press play: tape start to run.

opps, something wrong with the tape. stop, rewind, play.

all talk. all plain talk.

--------------

thankfully i started taking bus. no need for small talk when walking to the mrt station. no need to endure a long train journey standing and squeezing plus feeling like i shouldnt go grab a seat when ppl ard me dont have a seat.

just sit down, and sleep. bliss.

---------------

departing for poland soon.

once upon a time, when reading was a leisure.

when studying was enjoyable. when school was fun. when i look forward to learning, to reading up my textbook before lesson starts.

where did it all go.

learning became something i have to do. whatever happened with cultivating interest. even cca's something we have to do. oh freak. summer's not really summer isnt it. except for the hot weather.

even tuition, its all about exam questions, exam questions. nobody's caring about learning anymore. calculators, electronic dictionary, these children cant even do simple mental sums or write/read without hanyu pinyin.

oh wait. this particular child can write english compositions from pri 1 ( wow, model child isnt it ) but shouts at his parents, womits vulgarities, throw the cane at mother, and hits the tutor.

wow. model child. needless to say, it dosent take a genus to guess who the tutor is.

when i have free time, i like to cook. surprising hur :p but really, im rather sick of hawker centre food nowadays, and restaurant food is too ex for everyday dining ( some arent even nice in my opinion ).

and so, with parents out of town and summer holidays here, its time to experiment with making lunches for myself! ( and dinner for my ever so hungry siblings ). quite interesting to dig out stuff from the fridge and cook stuff that my parents will never cook while they are ard. things that are messy, not pleasing to the eye, but nevertheless, yummy. like interesting soups, chicken, even fragrant rice and porridge which dosent look like porridge. muahaha. and noodles! chomp chomp

met up with winnie tdy! ate gelarie's half priced waffles on tues. yum. and i influenced her to get a whole chicken from carrefour.

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to me, my grades are in shambles. maybe its just high expectations, but if i know i could have done it, then it isnt all that high right? but talking to someone gave me a whole new perspective of life, which i might post when my thoughts are pieced together nicely.

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plan, execute, variance analysis.

time to plan for the next term. time to take those variances into account.

i feel so in love again. with life itself.

ive never realised how nice certain things were, like the scenery when im taking a bus, and all those little things. while i was rushing, and sleeping whenever i can, and getting all stressed out.

verdict frm ts: ive grown thinner. which means stress overload. which means its time to gain weight.

i wanna eat ice cream! (: (:

ive finished 1 yr in uni.

it has passed by very quickly. but the things i will remember are LTB, prof kong and her wise words, themin and his antics, prof ks (haha) with his attention directing stuff, and yes, that prof who loved ppt SO much.

time to rest and renew.

please date me i have been very loner with only projs and notes for company. haha. i need a life back. i wanna get in touch with all my friends again.

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above all, i need time to reflect. its been so fast that i havent had much personal time (if at all?)

i was studying my heart and lungs out for exams. now with exams approaching and my MA still half completed ( with stuff like joint and support costing still elusive ) im getting very very tired.

i came across afew postings by seniors.

i can understand the senior's concerns and all that "vomit" about how we top students are taking away the "life" from SMU. all that sundays in school, that non-existent "break week" and the popular "summer term" and "double degrees".

but have they stopped to ponder, that the reason smu is becoming competitive and they cant take the heat is because of meritrocracy.

the reason why we have been among the elite of the singapore education system is not because we can mug, but because we know what is expected of us, what we need to do to stay on top in this system. its nothing different from work, where we know what our boss wants and produce it to get promoted. honestly, i know of friends who are seriously slow, and i do not think im very smart either, since i take awhile to grasp concepts. but im seen as smart because society defines me as that. simply because the truly intelligent people know how to make the system work for them.

that's a fact, and if the year 3s cant understand why GPA is important, they should just open their eyes. if they didnt realise why we have to go back to school on a sunday, they should just see the amount/level of projs we have to do as yr 1s ( i mean, seriously, my proj meetings are pretty productive and i still have to meet so many times ). and they should know that, above all, its the survival of the fittest.

so ur GPA is hopeless. so ure lamenting how the yr 1s are to blame. but trust me, we're competitive because we have to be the moment we are born, to a big and auspicious year. and reading up before term starts? that's a norm habit that was practiced from the moment i started learning how to speak and write.

and by the way, we are different. my nus biz friends sound free-er than me. we study and we do projs and we do CCAs. yea maybe we are inhumane, in ur opinions, but that's the way we survive, by being all rounders in the right areas. stress on the word "right".

and yes i do have a life, i just do not see drinking and clubbing as a healthy social life to engage in. neither do i see how some CCAs ( quote: the one i joined and disappeared ) are actually contributing to being "vibrant" since its the school's dictation of what is and what isnt vibrant anyway.

we're just a different breed of students who are paying a hell lot more for our education and are making sure that the 8+k that we invest is worth our while. and we are here to bring the "stuff" into smu. honestly, if you dont study, and practice ur concepts, u think u can become a good accountant next time? all fluff and no stuff wont last you very long.

too bad then, the seniors will have to live with it. i mean, harvard and the other top us business schools, i bet people there study like siao too. because, without stuff inside, there's nowhere for the fluff to build on.

go figure.

of course, i do agree that class size shouldnt go bigger. i love taking MA now because of the small class size ( of only 17 ppl! whee, tutorial sessions every week ). but, on the downside, keeping classes at 30-40 means that sch fees will go up much more due to larger overhead allocation per student. i suppose, un-availability of GSRs is something we'll have to grapple with soon.

that's why, i love staying at home, especially during study breaks. nobody to complain that "there, those freaks are studying in school again. these are the ones taking the vibrancy away from smu"

its all about image. didnt smu teach you that?

--and before you start with a series of posts to counter me, shoudnt you be studying for finals which start on monday?--

oh yeah man, i love being sacarstic.

unlike normal mortals, my version of taking a break does not involve travelling for 1 hr to town to have dinner.

and technological hazards are such that work cannot be submitted because of server problems, and communication is via email (which cannot be accessed now either). whatever happened to sms/calls, the slightly more ex but more personal than an email in my inbox (which is nearly full from using it like smses)

study break. i like having time to myself to study. too bad its too short a time. and too bad i still do have to work, even if its just tuition which, in theory, does not take up alot of time.

too bad life does not always go the way we wanted. go figure.

1 1/2 more weeks to holidays. have it mostly planned out alr.

(:

cheap thrills in school, tho very minute, does give me something to look forward to. one of those little things.

like free snacks around sch. stuff like ice cream, bubble tea, chocs, drinks, sandwiches. never fail to make me happy especially when my eye bags are like terribly disgusting.

just had a sinful afternoon nap, after my eyes hurt so much from using the computer so often ( more like non-stop? ) just for my last ( but hardest in my opinion ) report.

lessons are over for the term. good.

i applaud myself for surviving this hell of a 2 weeks.

next up at least there's time to spread things out. will be concentrating on the remaining modules that i have to wrap up. my dean's list aim is abit far off, but hopefully not too far.

it was indeed nerve-whacking to have to start off 2 presentations 1st and another one as second. and to think that i was less prepared than i wanted myself to be. =x

anyway, negative messages, quizzes, FA report, and im off to my final exam which will come and go soon!

my holiday plans:

prepare for poland, off to poland for choir competition, back to rest, off for internship,

and the rest of the time is for me to rest, and get my social life back (:

just had an exhilarating sunday.

day started at 7.30am, when after a long period of ringing, i woke up and shut the alarm clock. piano lesson, rush hw. back at 12plus, cook lunch, rush 1st deadline due 3pm.

after 1st deadline, came nxt deadline at 2359. went back to sch for final grp consolidation.

after many heart-wenching moments, report and financial statements ( abeit unbalanced ) out just in the nick of time.

next came the frantic packing and running for the last bus ( no more mrt ). within 3 mins im up on the last bus and breathing slightly easier.

2 major deadlines down, public transport back home ( no need to spend on taxi )....

and many more deadlines to go before the week is over and out.

=x

i crave that human touch that's so elusive.

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i feel more at ease hiding behind a veneer of distance known as the cyber barrier.

ive never known how much it disappoints me when i crave for compliments that seem elusive. until i got it from a stranger. although i know its not entirely real, im too distraught to care, for once in my rational life.

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why do all deadlines occur in batches/lumps.

it was exhilarating, if not utterly stressful, to complete my psc apps in 2 hrs straight, including the essay, much less submitting it less than 5 mins b4 the closing date/time. thankfully comp didnt crash or else i'll have pulled my hair out. (finally my acer laptop proved useful)

im not entirely sure what will come out of it, but i know that at least now, im clear about what i want, altho im not sure if its bursting out of my exam-style-time-constrained-essay. and at least im not sending apps to anywhere and everywhere now.

i think ive became much too noisy for my own liking.

time to become that lonesome quiet girl walking on her own instead of too much socialising. sounds strange isnt it. but then again, look at how small this community is. say something and things spread.

on a separate note, is it some trick, to make me so darn busy that i havent had time for various applications that i wanted to make. i dont even have time to pack my stuff and get sleep. all i do is lug my laptop around going for meetings, and cramming work. after spending so much precious time with it, i conclude that my acer laptop isnt that bad after all. its just heavy, hot, and has a half-malfunctioning left click button.

=x

i do love island creamery icecream.

after today, i dont think i will go for voix for awhile.

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i guess its a cumulative effect. and the inability to change the current status quo was really the last straw. i dont want to be there and not feel good about it. although i could have done things differently, but things are over and decisions have been made, whether i like it or not.

the current exco should think about this. i mean. the inability to retain members clearly shows the effectiveness of their leadership.

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and with sch work piling up, i got much better things to do than to go for sth that makes me so fustrated. i love the main objective, but not the rubbishy stuff around it.

guess who is she....

the girl in the photo chio or not? (:

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fancy getting angry over a very stupid thing that can be easily resolved with technology? especially when its for a technology and world change module. like omg

things like FILE SIZE is seriously picking on the anal side. like a limit to file size is fine, but when compatibility issues arise, how to resolve it? simple, just limit the no. of ppt slides, or use an online uploading submission facility instead of email inboxes will do.

after all, its technology.

i hope presentation goes smoothly tmr.

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besides that, i had a really good day. highlight was a movie treat since i havent watched a movie for goodness knows how long. and company is good too.

(:

break week!

hardly a break for me. full of sch stuff and all.

LTB sat, sun, mon, wed, and thurs.

had saat chalet which i stayed over despite my knowledge of how much sleep deprivation is gonna kill me later on ( which it nearly did since i have no time for sleep replenishment over the nxt 2 days ) but was pretty fun! despite going there without knowing anyone other than jess, was stiill ok. met people, and turned out ok. had a nice time with mahjong overnight. best part: i saved on cab fare by going home the day after. aloha loyang is a nice place for chalet but very ulu.

conclusion: i must get my driving license soon!

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on a separate note, class participation is going crazy. i mean, the prof showed us the "tracking system" in class about how he knows how many posts we write on the online discussion forum, and how often we go online to read the forum, how often we do the self test, etc etc. and then the number of posts went up exponentially.

the worst part is: there are alot of rubbishy posts! argh. all those " i agree" and repetitive posts just drive me nuts. seriously, if you post rubbish just for the sake of class participation, the prof will know unless he is stupid ( which he clearly isnt ).

i admit that i post stuff ( and may be seen as spoiling the market ) but neither do i reply to every single post by everyone saying " i agree" or "i disagree" right? fancy reading through 80+ postings on a 20 min video clip. its plainly obvious who are the real contributers to more enhanced learning and who are the people trying to expliote the system through loopholes. when i post stuff, i post stuff that i feel are insightful, and will bring a deeper understanding and meaning to the discussion. sadly, class participation is abused by people who clearly are lazy and do not deserve the grades that they want.

the even worse one was t*c. at least the above course is very important and we learn alot from it, and there is some substance being discussed. t*c is a totally crap course and calls for it to be abolished is high. discussion forums are being flooded with nonsense most of the time. the only thing i learn is perhaps how to write reports in ppt and do assignments in a totally different ( and anal ) manner. hur hur.

LTB is kinda getting on my nerves. and its not bcos of grp members. seriously, LTB team is ok. its just the hectic schedule.

today. i practically wasted half a day due to LTB stuff. went to get paint from nippon, which was a ulu jurong industrial estate ( thankfully i figured out how to get there ). the went to CAS to deposit the paint, went jurong point to buy workshop essentials, went to CAS, on the way there we were told that we cant go to interact with the kids.

then came the hunt for jelly cups! it was bloody irritating. we tried finding the jelly, then when it found it, it was so ex, then when we found a cheap one the price tag was wrong and we only found out at the cashier! urgh.

then finally me and des called our respective mums who told us where to look for jelly cups. and so off we split up. finally, des has a positive hit! phew. i found cheap jellies too.

and that was the entire afternoon! plus travelling time on public transport too. which des commented really was very slow. and i kinda said nth bcos i was just erm...used to the slowness? lol.

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on a side note, spore won the youth olympic games bid. while i was heaving a sigh of relief when those at the padang dun have to be so "paiseh", i heard a comment: another excuse for a pay increase.

true, but i suppose, that's life.

week 7

silently, quietly, walking down the pathways, thinking,

its 8 weeks to the end of my 1st year studies.

in the meanwhile, lets slog it out just abit more.

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lets see a detailed timeline of my encounters with twc.

sunday: was trying to do the assignment, and then frantically trying to squeeze the file size down. when i managed to do that, i saved it in compatibility mode only to find out that file size increased from 74kb in 07 format to 600kb in compatibility mode. ( requirements was max 500kb, preferably <100kb )

monday:
10am: saw the email on mid term course feedback. finished it at one go. ( dont ask me what i wrote. it was objective and constructive feedback )

12pm: class. and mind you, prof was picking on people who seemed to be more interested in their laptops than him. warranted and justified, but certainly unlike him and downright anal.

2pm: after break. discussion on "feedback" and how useful twc is. went ard to talk to us abt feedback. and revealed that he gets angry when we're not giving him enough attention, akin to a 2-yr-old kid crying for attention.

3.15pm: end class

i swear. that was the most rubbishy class ever. the least he could do was to let us off early. (at least we were being productive by doing proj discussion)

conclusion, twc is certaintly not very useful.

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today i watched the sun rise while in SOB SR 3.5 in sch. took 1st bus, very early mrt train.

was qt an interesting experience taking a rather empty train at the whee hrs of the morning. esp when i walked along the streets at city hall and it was a ghost town. there wasnt even cars! just buses and taxis.

saw a different group of people boarding the train tho. those people whose working hours are very early, work odd jobs and have no money to get a car/take taxi hence rely on the 1st few trains to take them home.

and now i know what ts's bro was refering to. i was wondering what the hell am i on my way to sch when the whole city hall was still aslp. but, i'll prefer a morning meeting to a late night meeting anytime. for one, i do not have to rush for the last bus/train bcos i know tht if i miss the 1st bus, i can always wait for the 2nd. besides, late night trains are packed while early morning trains are pretty empty.

i really need to sleep.

something made me realise that ive been teaching for so long. haha. surprising that i lasted so long, especially during times when i found it very tough to juggle studies CCA and work, what with all the proj meetings and all those last min voix stuff.

and im 2 mths to the end of my 1st yr.

maybe sometimes i missed having the full concentration solely devoted to my studies and school life. perhaps this is a personal choice, not to take up the route that would make me worry-free about money.

i missed having a holiday without a "to-do list" running through the back of my head.

the thing i like about cny is that for once, the family have meals together, the house is much cleaner than usual ( due to all the psychologically-forced spring cleaning ) and nice snacks.

sentosa flowers was nice, although the crowd control was baddd. i cant imagine how i spent 1 1/2 hrs just trying to get out of sentosa ( i shld hav juz walked out instead of wait for that sentosa express ).

speaking of which, i think that the sentosa express needs to be able to balance between a near empty crowd during off peak periods and super extra huge crowd during peak periods such as festivals, events, holidays. the trains, though small and rather efficient, are grossly unable to handle the huge crowd at cny day 1. not to mention the total lack of effective crowd control and the pushing by "certain " types of people. not to mention that the trains should triple their frequencies that day (but didnt)

and that made me arrive late at changi airport.

conclusion: no way can we depend solely on public transport.

sent qing and shan off. was quite an emo one for me ( altho i try not to show it much ).

next up, more work to catch up on before the excuse of cny wears off and things start piling up again.

"i think the ride isnt smooth enough. so there must be probs with ur braking, acceleration, gear." ( and to think i actually thought i drove well & the test route was easy )

argh. my instructor was like shaking his head over the small silly stuff that added up. and made the decision for me that i should try again ( and hopefully i dont get the same tester )

right. maybe its a ploy to get more ppl to use public transport.

hmmph. ploys do not succeed.

characteristics of smu students:

cny is a time for project meetings, and for catching up on work/lost sleep.

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well its not that bad really. just that things could be much better if time wasnt a scarce commodity.

im feeling the cny mood alr: the need to rush all earlier deadlines/quizzes just before cny in a bid to actually have a decent holiday. the rush to do much needed spring cleaning at home. a new wallet ( finally something that's more like it )

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lunch with friends.

there was a cool atmosphere, looking forward to new experiences, flying off to new countries.

cant help feeling nostalgic. but maybe i shldnt spoil the mood. after all, nobody likes hearing sob stories. and i, for one, is too tired to be merry and happy at one of my few social activities ( goodness. my life is sad ). although yes it was a major highlight and very very comforting to stuff myself in food and do funny stuff like grocery shopping ( of all things ).

chinese new year is coming soon. holidays means rest and much deserved sleep (:

today during LTB a very powerful and inspiring message is made.

--what is your personal mission? -- who do you want walking out of uni 4 yrs down the road? --

and then i realised.

way back at every significant stage of my student life, i had a mission, a goal. it was something simple, but it kept me focused. and right now, with so many things demanding my attention, its hard to keep that focus.

very hard.

ive been having dreams more frequently. faraway dreams, at times i least expected it.

maybe, they help make school a little more bearable.

as usual, im lagging behind in my readings.

im growing used to the solo lifestyle in school. just that i wonder how on earth would i manage when project groups are not pre-assigned anymore. the trouble of forming project groups. i actually like the solo lifestyle in school. strangely. as much as i love company, i love being on my own for serious matters.

ive not really understood why things turned out this way, but maybe, as usual, my "da jie" aka cy, always listens. and maybe, ive found the reason for why things turned out the way they are now.

in the meantime, during those long journeys home, there's always dreams, to give my tired soul some sparkle as i snatch those fleeting moments of rest.

back to more readings. its week 2. cheers.

1st week of school is yet to end, but haii. school blues.

ranging from timetabling issues, to books. ( did i mention that im a potential target for robbers not bcos of my cash but bcos of my expensive textbooks? lol )

and boring lessons, choir, and assignments =x

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end of 2nd day, and im sleepy already.

CT G14 party! quite interesting, although didnt eat much, but had qt abit of fun singing and stuff. altho turnout wasnt that good, but costume party was cool! i got "dressed" up as a hero impromptu. food-wise, some were good, altho i was glad tht i ate some dinner b4 going. can tell tht organisers did a great job!

on a separate note, im beginning to hate noting when the last train/bus is and rushing for it. =x

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best part is tdy, shopping! i havent had such exciting shopping trips for a long long time. and my buys are very worth it too! not too expensive and nice enuff.

ive forgotten how fun it is to shop for stuff tgt with my girl friends. whee (: esp if its not frivolous buys, but those needed stuff ( like essentials for overseas studies, replacement of spoilt items, etc )

happy new year!

made some silent new yr resolutions.

this yr has been one of change, of identity, of crisis. too much change to handle. work, school, meeting new people, and having to manage expectations, academic and social-wise.

special mention to those who stand by me, who remember me even after school has ended for us and uni has came. for those who made my journey less lonely. who walk into my life at various short instances and have since became more than what was expected.

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on another note, i attract the wrong kind of attention at the weirdest of places.

there was this uncle next to me. who started talking to me about ah lians, specifically the ones standing at the mrt train. it was 2plus am ( last train home ). then he started asking me about myself ( where i clammed up ). then sudd he started talking to the other guy on the other side of me ( who was younger, with average looks ). then sudd it went back to me.

and that guy had to be super thick-skinned to ask for my no when i flatly told him i wasnt looking out for a guy in that sort of way.

i told kenneth abt it and he said it was a stupid and dumb ploy between the uncle and the guy to help the guy chat me up. =x

and that guy got off at the same mrt stop as me ( ! ) and i was trying hard to loose him in the crowd since i cant manage to get a cab home and had to walk.

then while walking this really long way home, 1. shortcut was blocked off for construction purposes =x 2. stray dogs are showing their teeth, and are at a super close proximity to me ( thankfully i have no food with me )

and that was the weird incident no 1 that happened in 2008.

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